The Ultimate Search............

It is Saturday evening and I have completed half the things I had thought of doing in the morning. For the rest of the things , I need access to the net and surprise, surprise.........it is not working. So, I was left with only a few options...either I could go out for a walk (i.e. some physical exercise), or read a book or scribble something. I chose the last one as it has been quite a while that I had had a chance to write and moreover I am too tired (may be more mentally) to go for the other two. Strange as it may sound but then they say that females are strange species............. Anyways, I have been going through a sea of emotions since the past couple of days and to be perfectly honest, it has sapped the entire energy from my body.

I am a young lady and am in that phase of my life, which probably is the toughest for any girl. Yes, I am trying to find my Mr Right. Until last week, I had the illusion that I have found him and was happy but due to some strange folding of events, it turned out that he was not to be my man. Well, poor guy!!!

I had been in touch with this guy since the past month and it was via the family route. I am one person, who until now cannot understand the concept of 'love' marriages. It might sound sad but I have always been a very strong advocate of arranged marriages. One can argue that this is because I am averse to risks and arranged marriages are supposedly a 'safer' (mind it, not fool-proof) option. Also the liability on self, of something going wrong (god forbid), is much less in such type of alliances. But whatever you wanna think, I still will go via this route at least for now....
OK, so why am I sad??? I have to answer this for my sake at least. Am I sad about losing someone? I don't think so as one month is too short a span to get attached and also I am one highly practical person and belive that whatever happens, life must move on. Then what else is bugging me??? Yes, I think I know the answer............I am sad and uncomfortable because of the fact that the entire process will have to start again. OH GOD!!!!!!!!! NO GOD!!!!!!!!!! Not again............

Believe me, it is such a drudgery. Right from sieving the potential candidate's name from Sunday's matrimonial papers to having a meeting with him, the entire process is like a 'chore'. Also, during this process one goes through a series of emotions. Everytime (at least until now) either you like the guy and not the family or you like the family and not the guy. Chances are few that you will like both of them and JIC you do, then something in you (or your family) does not make them like you..........Yeah, I know.........story of my life.............

It has been going on like this since last June and I can't believe I am still doing the same..........
I reeeeeealllyy don't wanna do it BUT do I have an option??? Is there no way I can just get the person I want without going through this gruelling procedure?

Yeah, don't shake your head as I know the answer myself as well. 'There are no short-cuts to life'; 'To get something one has to work for it'....bla bla bla..........No, I am not bulshitting these statements as I respect them myself and also believe in them but am really vexed at the minute and am kind of venting out my frustration. My apologies for that..........

But seriously, when we first started looking I didn't think it would be as difficult because at the end of the day, I just want a NICE guy. Now, I understand that the definition of a 'nice guy' is different for different people but for me a nice guy is one who is intelligent, mature, sensible and aware of his surroundings. He should have a good educational background and should be progressive in life. He should be a thorough professional but at the same time should know the importance of relationships in life. Looks are not that important, but yes, personality is. He should know what to wear when, how to carry himself and should possess good mannerisms. He should be an extrovert but not a party animal. He should be religious (be believing in god or at least some supreme power) and should respect his parents but most importantly, should respect the institution of marriage. Now is this too much to ask??? I can most certainly compromise on one or two minor traits but as far as mental compatibility, education and values are concerned, I am sure that I am not gonna budge. God only knows when am I gonna find my Mr Cool with these apparently 'rare' qualities but I seriously pray that it takes few of those stupid weekend trips to any of the 'central places'. Until then, I am keeping my fingers crossed and am praying hard..................

And after reading this if any of you is thinking that why am I making my views on such a personal thing public, then this is just a solace for those who are sailing in the same boat as me. I know it helps to know that you are not the only one going through this scutwork.

जिन्दगी का सफ़र

तन्हायिओं में बैठे बैठे यूं ही ख़्याल आ गया,
मेरे आगे मेरी जिन्दगी का फिर वही सवाल आ गया।।

जिन्दगी की सारी जग्दोजहत किसके लिए है?
दिन दिन भर की वो भारी कसरत किसके लिए है?

एक ना एक दिन तो फना हो ही जाना है।
इस भीड़ भाड़ से निकलकर तनहा हो ही जाना है।।

पर इस बारे में सोच कर, क्या अभी से जीना छोड़ दें?
जितने रिश्ते नाते हैं, क्या उन्हें मृत्यु से पहले ही तोड़ दें?

इसका उत्तर स्वयम कृष्ण ने गीता में दिया है।
मनुष्य की इस दुविधा का भी हल किया है।।

मृत्यु सत्य है, अटल है, कभी ना कभी तो आनी है।
परंतु उससे पहले जीने के लिए यह ज़िन्दगानी है।।

जिन्दगी में कर्म करो, फल की चिन्ता छोड़ दो।
साथ ही अपना ध्यान इश्वर की ओर मोड़ दो।।

इस संसार में ऐसे रहो, जैसे कीचड में कमल का फूल रहे।
मन से तुम्हारे राग, द्वेष, कलेश, कोसों दूर रहें॥

स्वयम खुश रहो और चहुँ ओर खुशियाँ बाटों।
संसार के मुख से गरीबी और हिंसा के पेड़ काटो॥

ऐसा कुछ करो जिससे सबके जीवन में उजाला हो।
इस धरा का रंग फिर से हरियाला हो॥

हाँ यह सच है की एक ना एक दिन मृत्यु आनी है।
परंतु उससे पहले जीने के लिए एक सुन्दर ज़िन्दगानी है॥

CROSSING THE SHORES

These days I am in between jobs and am trying hard to keep myself busy. There are still a good couple of weeks left for my new job to start and I am finding it hard to pass my time at home. So, I thought why not create a blog and post my thoughts on there. At least I can do something constructive like this!!! So here comes my first post for my newly created blog...

My blog's URL has the word homosapiens in there as I wanted it to relate to all the feelings that we human beings undergo during our lives. So let me start with what I have been feeling in the past couple of weeks.

I came back to India nearly a month and a half ago, after spending around 3 years abroad. When I took this decision, I was quite excited and eager to come back but as the D-day approached, my exuberance started fading away. However, I did come back...

After socializing for the first few weeks, I started looking for a job and luckily enough cracked it in my very first interview. It is a decent job with a half decent salary and I do not have any qualms about it. The only downside was that the joining date was a month and a half away from my first interview and in all this while I had absolutely nothing to do. So I couldn't help but ponder upon my decision to come back.....

I was happy in UK. Had a cool 9-5 job and my office was at a stone's throw from my home. I lived with my brother and sister-in-law who really cared about me. I had 2 really cute kids at home to play with and a nice bunch of friends, who although did not meet me frequently, were always a phone call away. Then why on earth did I move back???

Maybe because the grass is always greener on the other side or was it because of something else??? Let me find this out for my sake.

I never really wanted to go out of my country in first place but had to do so due to some unavoidable circumstances. Since younger years, I was a kind of patriotic person who wanted to do something for my country. I even wanted to enter politics but could not gather enough courage to do so partly because of my middle class background, with more emphasis on studies and partly because I was scared to enter that filthy world. Anyway, I thought that there might be other ways of serving my country and so I continued to work hard.

After completing my post grad abroad, I worked there for a couple of years and then finally came back only to find that I am not liking the political, economic and social systems here. I am not liking the ever widening gap between the rich and the poor. I am not liking dirty politics. I am not liking the quota system and I am not liking religion wars. Virtually, I am not liking anything about this country!!!

Has all this happened in just the 3 years I was away for? Was this not rampant when I was here? Of course it was. The only difference now is that maybe I have decided not to like it. Maybe I am so frustrated of sitting at home that I have decided o vent my frustration by blaming everything around me. And maybe because somewhere deep inside, I am not happy with my decision of coming back.

I still am unaware of the real cause of my behaviour change towards my motherland, which once I was really proud of. It can be that the things have really gone from bad to worse or it is just that after seeing a country which is better than ours in most aspects, I have a desire of spending my life there.

I do not know what the real cause is and if it is the latter, I am not sure if anything is wrong with that. At this stage I don't even know whether I would ever cross the boundaries of this country again (for settling abroad) but most certainly, right now I am feeling like a criminal for even just thinking about leaving my own land...